Observations from two long drives:
The next time out, I have to stop at the Wreck Room in Alabama. From what I can gather from the billboards, it’s a museum dedicated to smashed up race cars. The billboard has two pictures of horribly manged cars, underneath which is the legend, “They Walked Away!” I can’t possibly be expected to not be sucked in by something so tasteless.
Shortly thereafter, I will have to stop for lunch in the town of Chunky, MS.
I know you’re thinking now that there can’t possibly be anything better than a town named Chunky. But see, this is why America is so great, my friends… just when you think she’s through with you she smacks you in the side of the head one more time. Because what is in Chunky, MS?
The Chunky River!
Though, to be honest, I looked as I drove over it, and it didn’t appear to be particularly chunky.
The forefathers in Mississippi must have been wiped out after that little foray, since the following exit ramps merely bore the words “Lake” and “Forest,” respectively.
Also, each state has its own odor, easily recognized by stopping at the first rest area after crossing the border. Mississippi, for the record, smells like dog shit. Louisiana, on the other hand, smells like a big sweaty fat guy.
Finally, a message for Jen, who has single-handedly changed long driving trips for me forever. Because it never fails that, at some point in the trip, I become consumed with the thought of her particular way to pass the time on these things. Unfortunately, I am not blessed with the equipment necessary, so instead I just listened to Steely Dan in honor of it.
That was a joke for William S. Burroughs fans. Good night, everyone.